24/7/22

Downpour

 It only takes a sentence to break a heart:

"I don't have anything to say to you"

You have no desire to fight for this love we once had, so innocent and full of dreams. Now it's all about the fragments, the little pieces left that can't be put back together anymore. I tried to for so long, but alone on my own. You said you tried your best but let's be honest: you actually never did in the first place.

Do you have any idea how hard it was? to puzzle my heart back together, only to be broken over and over again? I lost a few bits of it here and there around our house, hidden in between the sheets, the library, the hand made cups in the kitchen. I tried to heal it as best as I could, tried to keep the love I had for you still intact even after all of those mean, hurtful moments full of terrible words, but it never remained the same. It never will, and it saddens me deeply so.

But you know what upsets me more about all of this? Not my broken heart, my shattered dreams, my collapsing self that can't stop crying over all of this.

The thing that upsets me more is that while I'm typing this in a room, you're in the other watching a movie. While I'm having a breakdown, you're chilling as if today was any other day for you.

You are being so cold over all of this, and it leaves me so hollow. Even more so, after every letter I've wrote for you, letting what was left of my emotions for you do their best and describe you in the most loving and adoring way possible. It aches in a very cruel, awful way. It leaves me drained, feeling so painfully empty and stupid at the same time...

And ever writting this right now feels surreal, because I never expected us to depart like this from each other. But, as any other cynic like me may say, there's always a first time for everything, right?

..I wish they were wrong this time, tho. I really do.