Longing

My eyes said "I missed you", but my lack of hugs may feel contradictory to that silent statement. That's why I need to write it here, to make this truth be known somewhere, even if it doesn't reach you now and maybe never will. I'm so shy when it comes to you at times, you know? 

So shy in fact, it hurts a little on the inside. My heart feels heavy with so many things unsaid, and not only from my mind. I have a hunch you skipped lots of bits of conversations, maybe because you needed my hugs for starters, ot maybe because you felt overwhelmed with my gaze only. Who knows? 

The atmosphere was tense, full of love in the air, but with no demostrations. The unspoken fantasies twisted and turned, wanting to be real for once between you and me, but our ground felt safe enough to not commit to them. Too much air can be like that. Suffocating, and toxic. Unrealistic.

I tried to close the gap when it was almost noon because I knew the magic was about to be over. I held your hand for a bit, told you to take care, and inmediately let go. Your gaze screamed at me for being so mean, but I know that deeply you could understand my dillema. I could't stand a goodbye without my longing being shown, exposed for you to notice and make it somehow memorable in your sensations. 

I missed you so so much. 

I believe we both are crying right now, or maybe that's just me trying to not sound so lonely.

XVIII